• Dr. Keisha

A New Years Resolution: Do Not Self-Sabotage! (Part I)

Considering it’s the start of a new year and New Year Resolutions are in full force; I found it timely to address the topic of self-sabotage. Self-sabotage is a process that keeps us from sticking to our commitments to ourselves. It keeps us from achieving our goals. It’s a process that causes us to become our own worst enemy. It involves the inconsistency between what we say we want and what we do to get it. The pattern of behavior that expresses the need for one thing without putting supports in place to meet that need. Ultimately, self-sabotage involves the things WE DO (not others) that keeps us from getting where WE SAY we want to go.

This behavior can apply to just about any area of our life. Let’s take relationships for example. We can list ways in which our partner does not meet our needs and yet we do not articulate what those needs are. Or, we get our need met but we are dissatisfied with how it was met. We place demands on our relationships without investing the time and energy it takes to meet those demands. We say we want healthy communication, but continue to engage in unhealthy patterns of communication. We want our relationship to change but are resistant to those same changes.

What about our professional and financial goals? I am sure we all know of the person who wants to start their own business but makes excuses why they can’t. Or, perhaps you know of someone who wants a career change but has yet to apply for a new job. We know of people who want to go back to school but say that it’s too late or that they don’t have time. In terms of finances; we want to save – but continue to spend. We want better credit – but continue to charge. We want to eliminate debt – but fail to set a reasonable budget that will assist in this process.

Lastly, we are probably all too familiar with the sabotaging of our health and wellness goals. We have vowed to lose weight and get to the gym; just to detour to the nearest fast food restaurant in our gym clothes. We know of that person that is probably near their emotional breaking point; but will not seek therapy for support. And we know of the person who knows that something is physically wrong; but will not go to their physician for an examination.

All of the behaviors above are ways in which we prevent ourselves from living better lives. If we are going to stick with some of these ‘resolutions’ and goals; we have to get out of our own way.  Stop being our own worst enemy.  We have to stop talking ourselves out of getting what we want out of life. We have to not only say we deserve better – but actually believe it! 

Happy New Year!

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